What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
