I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
