The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
