she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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