; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
