I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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