There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
