I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
