We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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