he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
