We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
