I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
