yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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