I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
