You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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