Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
