I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
