i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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