i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
