Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
