if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
