I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
