a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
