took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
