Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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