is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
