You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
