well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
