I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
