Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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