I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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