really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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