If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just blew my weed a kiss
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
