Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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