mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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