i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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