apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
