Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
