She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
