so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
