best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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