I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
