Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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