This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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