so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
