I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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