Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
