dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
