I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
