he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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