You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
