Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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