Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
