Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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