I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
