Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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